19th April 2018

Teen Ink Fiction Competition

Silvery flakes drifted down, glittering in the bright light of the blue moon. The crow swooped down towards the icy hills with a light misty blanket protecting it from the light. Normal people would be gazing at the moons unnatural light, but I was far from normal. My name is Sophia Fawcett, I live with my mother, father and brother in a small house on the hillside amongst other houses. We are between the roaring sea and treacherous mountains on a hill. There aren’t many people where we live so we know each other really well, and nobody really minds that. We are all happy because of our rules that we follow, don’t go out to sea at night, don’t leave your house alone, and most of all do not go past the seven hills towards the mountain. I think it’s silly these rules because how are we going to meet new people or new lands if we stay where we are. As I mentioned before I’m not exactly normal seeing as I love exploring, being outside and going out at sea whereas everyone else likes to stay near their house. No one understands me except my father, at every chance he had he would go out fishing with me, he would show me every creature living below the surface in the colorful city of seaweed. But recently, he started taking me out less and would disappear without telling anyone where he went off to. We all were getting worried about him but he never wanted to explain. But I will make sure that he tells me tonight, after a bit longer outside.

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  1. Hey Ashely,

    You have some great language choices in here! I particularly like your opening line.

    I encourage you to develop a cohesive mood in this piece through your use of figurative language.

    Also, watch some of your sentence structures as you have some mechanical lapses.

    Mrs. P

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Writing